[Lab 2 Graduates/includes/icons.htm]  

Lab 2



6300 Powers Ferry Road

Suite 600-218

Atlanta, GA 30339

(678) 464-6200

  For Lab 2 Graduates  

LEAD Plus provides professional expertise in the following areas (to find out about a particular area, just click it on).

*Communication Skills

*Conflict Management

*Problem Solving

*Team Building

*Dealing w/ Transition


*Spirituality &  Prayer

*Emotional Intelligence

*Neuro-Linguistic Programming Skills


Do You Have a Testimony about

Lab 1

If you have any testimonies about Lab 1 and the effect it has had on individuals or local churches, please let us know.  Please share as much information as possible as to names, church, etc.  We would like to contact them to get permission to use their testimony.




Help for the Trainer of Lab 1/SCS


Looking for Quotations or Extra Interest Materials? 

When preparing for a presentation, you may want to consider using a quotation about your subject, a historical account, or demographic data.  Check out some of the following websites for some:

 Medical Benefits of Communication Skills: 

A group of subjects with malignant melanoma received traditional treatment and then was divided into 2 groups.  One group met weekly for 6 weeks and the other did not.  Facilitators taught the first group specific communication skills.  The group that was taught to express themselves effectively had a higher survival rate – only 9 % succumbed as opposed to almost 30% in the untrained group.     Dr. Janice Kiecolt – Glasner and Dr. Ronal Glaser 


http://www.city-data.com/.  What a great site for information about demographics and lifestyles.  It has 74,000 city photos, graphs of real estate prices and trends, satellite photos, and much more.  Before teaching in a city, go to this site and learn about the city to help you relate to them. 

 http://factfinder.census.gov/home/saff/main.html?_lang=en:  This a source for American housing, population, and economic status.

http://www.govspot.com/.  Find national and world information on this site, including data from census Bureau, CIA ,  and National Archives.  


http://www.bartleby.com. This is a great site for quotations, famous books and reference materials with usage guides by Strunk, White, and Fowler. 

 http://www.quoteland.com/.  This is a great site for quotations by topic. It features quotations from famous people and literature.   

 http://www.quotationspage.com/.  There are over 26,000 quotes from famous people and literature. 

 Stories and historical trivia: 

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/.  This an excellent site to discover what happened on the day in history that you will be making your presentations.  How can you tie it to listening skills, the drop-out track, or life commands?  It could add richness to your teaching presentation. 

Here is a free resource for a video on why we need to listen to Lost People. 



Other Resources

 Warning Signs of Disengagement
 Help in Marketing Lab 1/SCS
 Help for Trainers

 Mental Models-Barriers to Change 

 The Value of Listening 

 Videos to Use with Lab 1 


Idea on Demonstrating Fogging

This is an idea for teaching Fogging from Joy Deyo, a Lab II graduate and member of Willow Creek Church in Naperville, Ill.  After teaching and having the class practice “fogging.”  Joy says to the class:  “you are the worst group I have ever worked with when it comes to learning the skills.” After they gasp, she laughs and encourages them to fog her.


Warning Signs of Disengagement



  1. Differentiating Stage:  The language of the member changes from inclusive to exclusive.  As long as they are engaged in the church,  they will use language to indicate that they share ownership of the church and will maintain a close relationship with the members by using words like:  “we” and “ours.”  During the differentiating stage, their language will shift to separation pronouns like “the” “yours,” or “mine,”  They will talk about “the” church instead of “our” church.  They are looking for differences.


Plus, a person will disinherit the current state of the church’s direction.  They will start using nostalgic language – “remembering when” to identify with the past.


Individuals will start separating from close relationships in the church if the other person does not agree with him/her. You will hear statements like:   “I don’t understand how you could possibly like her.”  I can’t believe you agree with him.  You will also see a look of contempt on their face, and sometimes they will even roll their eyes if you say something with which they disagree.



Your response: Continue to use inclusive language with them, such as “our church,” and “we have a great opportunity here to serve.”  Focus on similarities.  Reaffirm what you have in common and how you share the same goal- “reaching your community for Christ.” 


Use listening skills of “fogging, negative inquiry, and paraphrasing .  Find solutions to solve the problem that they may be having with the church together. The solutions should be something that both the person and the church can be in agreement. Apologize if the person has a legitimate complaint and state how you will correct the problem.  Use role renegotiation.  (see future article on role renegotiation)


  1. Chilling: Relationships break down. Members limit their conversations. They will refuse to talk about subjects that are painful or those they disagree with you, such as your opinion of the new worship leader.  When asked their opinions, they will say, “skip it,”  “it’s not worth discussing,”  or “my opinion doesn’t matter.”  The member will begin to succinctly greet you or others with formalities and politeness.  They will  move to arms length to you.  This is the “ennui”  stage.  “Ennui”  is a state of boredom and a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction and lacking interest.  The person just lives with the situation although he does not like it. He simply exists.  S/He attends church out of duty.   There will be little involvement. 


Your response: Offer to listen.  Visit with the person and listen to their grievances. Clarify the person’s expectations. State the church’s expectation of the person.   Often they are having personal problems and need someone to listen.  Sometimes the person will silently slip away from the church without talking.  This is mute termination.  Use role renegotiation. 


  1. Questioning:  The member begins to ask derogatory questions.  S/he will use scriptures (often out of context ) to make their point.  They tend to ask for prayers for the church or the leadership of the church.  Body language is rigid and negative.  Pupils tend to dilate when the controversial subject is addressed. 


Your response: Use behavior description to describe what you observed.  Ask what did that mean.  Listen and ask good productive questions.    Avoid making inferences about their behavior as if that were their intentions.  Then move to problem solving and role renegotiation.


  1. Sabotaging:  The member may begin with expressions of concerns about the church using innuendos and gossip about the leadership or members of the church.  Some members will threaten to quit.  They will tend to blame certain  leaders of the church for what they perceive as problems of the church.  They will start to polarize people.  You will often see looks of anger or disgust on their face. 


Your Response:  Follow the guidelines in Matthew 18:15-17.  First confront the member in a one-to-one conversation.   State from your point of view how your expectations of how Christians should behave have been violated and you were disappointed.   Describe their behavior.  Mention that you have come to them out of love and that their behavior is not in accordance of scripture.  If they repent, accept their apology.  Reaffirm your relationship with them. .  If the person has something against someone else in the church, encourage them to go talk with them.  You may offer to go.  Act only as a mediator of the process.  Avoid tribulation.  23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you. Matthew 5:23.



"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.


But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.


If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

                                                                                    Matthew 18:15-17



“So watch yourselves.  If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.”          Luke 17:3


So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.  III John 10



  1. Termininating

This is the drop out phase.  The member will usually first stop attending worship service, then he will drop out of:

§  Business meetings and/or committee meetings

§  Sunday School

§  Removes children from Sunday School and other church activities

§  Announces his quitting church to someone

§  Stops his giving to whatever he has pledge to give.  (High control people will often stop their weekly giving to the offering first if it was not a pledge.) 


Your Response:   Make an appointment and visit the person. Listen and follow the steps of role renegotiation



3. Then Jesus told them this parable: 4. "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5. And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6. and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7. I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.  Luke 15:3-7


©Margaret Slusher 2008



Research Materials to Use in Marketing the Listening Labs


Here is some research information about the power of listening that you may want to include when you promote Listening Skills.   Listening is  . . .


1.   A cure for social isolation

In a Washington Post article (June 23, 2006) “Social Isolation Growing in U.S.,” Shankar Vedantam reported that people are more isolated today than they were two decades ago.  “There seems to be a sharply growing number of people who say they have no one in whom they can confide, according to a comprehensive new evaluation of the decline of social ties in the United States.     . . .


“Compared with 1985, nearly 50 percent more people in 2004 reported that their spouse is the only person they can confide in. But if people face trouble in that relationship, or if a spouse falls sick, that means these people have no one to turn to for help, Smith-Lovin said.”


2.   Helpful in Job Success

       *        Human resources professional estimate that more than 80% of the people who fail at their jobs do so for one reason – they don’t relate well to other people.

       *        Executives Rank Listening Skills as the Most Important, but most lacking in Employees  in “Listen Up!” Time June 28, 1999, p. 72 copyright Time, Inc


3.   Reduces absenteeism

       *        The January, 2005 issue of Fortune Magazine reported businesses are beginning to use trained listeners to reduce absenteeism and worker turnover, a problem which costs companies over 300 billion dollars each year in the US.  

       *        In a 2005 report released by Group Publishing, Inc. and Gallup Poll, 98% of church members who indicated that they were "very satisfied" or “somewhat satisfied" with their church described their church as very friendly, maintaining good relationships.  (Michael Lindsay, Creating a Culture of Connectivity in Your Church, Loveland, California: Group Publishing, Inc., 2005, p.8)

       *        Dr. John Savage discovered that a church could reclaim up to 82% of drop-outs using strategic listening skills. 


Help for Trainers

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” – Albert Einstein



·         Adults learn best when they contribute to a learning situation.

·         Adults learn best when they want to or need to learn

·         Adults learn best when they can put it to immediate use.

·         Adults learn best when they feel physically and psychologically 



More Get Acquainted Ideas


  1. Comic Strip Matching:  Use comic strips to get acquainted by cutting apart the panels of the strips and giving each individual a panel.  Ask participants to find others to match their strips.

  1. A Penny for your Thoughts:  Give each participant 3 pennies.  They are to introduce themselves to the group by relating an important personal or work-related event.

  1. Story-telling Guessing Game:  Ask participants to write on a slip of paper a unique event that they have experienced.  Some Examples are:  shook hands with the president, survived a plane crash, ran in the Boston Marathon, etc.  Collect the slips and read the statements.  Have everyone guess who it is.  The author is then asked to stand and share the rest of the story.  You could use practical jokes played,

          strangest teacher, least favorite physical education lesson,

          proudest moment and worst cafeteria meal. [1]

Story-telling Guessing Game Instructions

This is a Secret, so do not share or let anyone

see what you are writing.  Please write on the back of this

note card a unique event that you have experienced and

that others in the room would not know about you. 

Some examples are:  shook hands with the president,

survived a plane crash, ran in the Boston Marathon,

made all A’s in school, rode on the back of an elephant,  etc. 

Please sign your name at the bottom of the card and

turn it over.  Please do not share what you have written

with anyone else.  We will use them later.  After you

have finish, turn your card over until the instructor

comes to collect them.


  1. Pair participants and allow them to become acquainted:  Have each other make a sales pitch about their partner to others.

  2. Name tents – Write their name and ask them to write what should

          their name mean?  What should people think about you when they they           get to know you?


Ways to Choose Leaders


The person with . . . or the person next to the person with . . .

A.   The newest shoes.

B.   The oldest child still at home.

C.   The most pets living in the house (including fish).

D.   The closest birthday.

E.   The most job seniority.

F.    The newest American car.

G.   The oldest truck.

H.   The longest/shortest commute to work.

 I.      The longest/ shortest married.

      J.    The longest name

K.   Person who has traveled the longest distance to be here.

L.    The Person born the farthest away.

      M. The person that has most recently read a book on the topic.
      N.  The owner of the most pets.


Enhance Learning


  1. Place a Question Board on the Wall.  Provide post-it notes for participants.  Have them to write questions that they would like answered sometime during the conference.

  2. "Passing the Buck”  Attach a one-dollar bill to a sponge.  The buck changes hands whenever a volunteer is needed. Use the buck to choose group leaders and recorder. 

  1. Use a cardboard flip-over to cut out the light of the projector as oppose to the clicking on and off.

  2. Focus is on you as the presenter – you are the message!


[1] Pike, Bob.  Creative Training Techniques.   Minneapolis:  Lakewood Publications.  August,  1995.  Volume 8, Number 8,  page 7-8.


Mental Models – Barriers to Change

Often people complain that long-range and/or strategic planning is squandering time.  When asked why planning is wasteful, the resounding response is that nothing is ever done with the plans. Why do we spend so much time in planning only to watch the strategies get shelved using the notebooks of our plans for bookends?  It is because we do not know how to implement a strategy plan.  In 2000  alone, forty CEO’s of the top two hundred companies on Fortune’s 500 list were removed – not retired, but fired or made to resign.[1] Most of the dismissals were attributed to the inability to execute a strategy.  According to Pierre Mourier and Martin Smith in their book Conquering Organizational Change, roughly 90 % of reengineering initiatives fail to produce breakthrough results.[2] 

Many churches fail to see any outcomes from their strategy planning as well.  These stagnant churches are plateaued and declining not because they do not have a vision or plans. It is that the plans are never realized, because people fail to communicate and execute their dreams and strategies.  To see change, acceptance, and implementation of new ideas and plans, leaders may need to change the way that they communicate first.

“A picture is worth a thousand words” as the old saying goes. It is also true that one word can create hundreds of pictures or mental models in the listeners’ minds as we share our visions and plans. “New insights fail to get put into practice because they conflict with deeply held internal images of how the world works,” according to Peter Senge, in The Fifth Discipline.[3]  Our word pictures fail to communicate because the listeners have a different mental image than the one that we think were are sending.

Take the word “team.”  The leader of one denominational organization that I once knew shared with all his staff that he wanted to be a team-based institution.   After a year of trying to get his team approach working, this manager was totally frustrated.  His team was not doing what he wanted them to do.  When asked to draw his model of a team, the leader drew a sculling team with the captain shouting out orders and the team members rowing in synchronization with his commands.  When most of the staff drew their picture of a team, it was an ad hoc Saturday morning playground softball team with rotating captains.   The staff pictures of team were in conflict with the leader’s view of team. 

When we use the term “church,” what mental model do most people envision?  Is it a gathering place or a group of people?  My guess would be that many view the church as a building.  We reinforce that view of church from early age of a child with the saying and hand sign: “Here’s the church. Here’s the steeple. Open the doors, and where are all the people.”  You may hear people use statements like “let’s go to church.”.  The hymn “The Church is One Foundation” is often sung.   If church is a building in some minds, then they will want to build buildings and develop an attractional model for church.   This model is based upon the temple concept. 

If member’s view of church is a group of believers gathered for worship, then the place will be immaterial.  They still may have a “come and see” model, but the emphasis will be more on the gathering of individuals than the building.  The term “the church gathered” will be heard.  This model developed from the house churches of the New Testament.

The model could be the people are the church.  With this model the people will tend to have an incarnational viewpoint of the church - with a “go, serve, and tell” focus.  You will hear someone say “the church dispersed” or “we are the church - be the church.”   The Great Commission provides the base for this model of church. 

The Gospels and Revelation refer to the church as “the bride of Christ.”  (Matthew 9:15; Luke 5:35;  and Revelation 19:7 ).  This mental model of the church is rarely used as a mental model for church in today’s world, although it is extremely powerful.         

The question is not which model is correct.  They all have Biblical bases, and all offer value.  The question is which mental model does your church members have of the church.  Once you know the answer, then you can start with their mental models to communicate the vision, direction, and change initiatives of the church or introduce a new model of church.

To help people to see beyond the four walls of a building, Peter in writing to a Jewish audience, took the building blocks of the Temple and morphed them into living stones “you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”   I Peter  2:5.  If the model of church is a building built with living stones, then the questions for church members are “with what material are the stones and what is holding the stones together?” 

If the church is the “bride” of Christ, then what is her personality?  Describe the church as a person.   Is she a whiner, a gossip, or an affirming, loving, and positive type?  What would you hear her saying?  How active is she?   Is she a recluse or active in her community? 

Our failure to understand the mental models that we and our members have create communication barriers.  To overcome these communication barriers so that we can see change initiatives and budgets reallocated, then we must learn to either  understand and  build upon them or transform them. 

Margaret W. Slusher

President LEADPlus


[1] Bossidy, Larry and Ram Charan.  Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done. New York: Crown Business.  2002, page 14.

[2] Mourier, Pierre & Martin Smith.  Conquering Organizational Change.  Atlanta:  CEP Press, 2001, p 13.

[3] Senge, Peter.  The Fifth Discipline.  New York:  Doubleday, 1990, page 174. 


The Value of Listening
1. Improvement in Job Performance
     a.  Listening is a critical component to emotional intelligence. 
          According to Harvard research, "IQ takes second position to  
          emotional intelligence determining outstanding job performance
          (Goleman,  1998, pg 5)
     b.  According to the US Department of Labor, at work the average
          person spends
              *22% of their time reading and writing
              *23% on speaking
              *55% on listening
     c.  Sixty percent (60%) of business errors are related to poor listening
     d.  Eighty percent (80%) of executives rated listening as the most
          important skill in the workplace but the most lacking.
     e.  Research indicates that the average person listens with only about
          25% efficiency.

2.  Reduction in Absenteeism
     The January issue of Fortune Magazine reported that businesses are
     beginning to use Trained Listeners to reduce absenteeism and
     worker turnover, a problem which cost companies over 300 billion
     dollars each year in the US.

3.  Increased Likelihood to Get Elected
     In a survey of women, 73% indicated that they would pick a politician
     who listens over one who asks the right questions (Luntz, 2007, pg 44)

4. Increased Academic Aptitude
     a. The most used language skills in a classroom is listening.  It is more
          important to one's academic success than reading or academic
          aptitude. (Conwaty, 1982)
     b.  Only 2% of Americans have had formal listening training
     c.  The International Listening Association found that people
          *Are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 75% of the time
          *Recall only 50% of what was said immediately after hearing
          *Remember only 20% of what was said over a longer period
          of time
          *In an educational environment, listening is required 85% of time.

5. Enhance Medical Practices
     a. "the effective practice of medicine requires competence, that is,
          the ability to acknowledge, absorb, interpret, and act on the stories
          and plights." (McDaniel, December 11, 2007)
     b.  Physicians who listen are less likely to be sued.  Patients who sue
          their doctors complain that they would not listen and were rude. 
          Doctors tend to interrupt their patients within 18 seconds of the
          patient starting to speak.  Often patients have on the average four
          questions they want to ask their physicians but were allowed to
          ask only 1-2 questions.
          (Research was published in the April 2007 issue of Medical Care, a journal of the
          American Public Health Association)
     c.  At the Indiana University School of Medicine, a review of 36 studies
          suggest that good communication between doctor and patient
          resulted in measurable improvements such as:
          *Lower blood sugar in people with diabetes
          *Resolution of chronic headaches
          *Improved blood pressure in people with hypertension
          *Positive changes in emotional states


to use with

Lab 1

  1. Screening
    1. Simon Birch (Scene with Sunday School teacher)
    2. Sweet Home Alabama (New York Mayor visits AL)
    3. Legally Blond (Study Group at Harvard)
  2. Drop-out Track
    1. Signs
    2. Fugitive
    3. Preacher’s Wife
    4. Sister Act
    5. Crossing Egypt
  3. Communications Gap
    1. Lucy – Seasons 5 – “Lucy Goes to Paris”
    2. Who’s on First
    3. Patch Adams (Patch psyche evaluations)
    4. As Good  As it Gets

  4. Perception Check

               a.   Bill Cosby (Wife in


  1. Paraphrase

  2. Story Listening
    1. To Kill a Mockingbird
  3. Story Telling
    1. A Time to Kill
  4. Direct Expression of Feelings
    1. "Everybody Loves Raymond" last season. 
  5. NLP
    1. Run Away Jury
  6. Life Commandments
    1. Peter Pan
    2. Ray
    3. Walk the Line
    4. West Wing