Help for the Trainer of Lab 1/SCS
Quotations or Extra Interest Materials?
When preparing for a presentation, you may want to
consider using a quotation about your subject, a historical account, or
demographic data. Check out
some of the following websites for some:
of Communication Skills:
A group of subjects with malignant melanoma
received traditional treatment and then was divided into 2 groups.
One group met weekly for 6 weeks and the other did not.
Facilitators taught the first group specific communication skills.
The group that was taught to express themselves effectively had a higher
survival rate – only 9 % succumbed as opposed to almost 30% in the
untrained group. Dr. Janice Kiecolt – Glasner
and Dr. Ronal Glaser
What a great site for information about demographics and lifestyles.
It has 74,000 city photos, graphs of real estate prices and trends,
satellite photos, and much more.
Before teaching in a city, go to this site and learn about the city to help you
relate to them.
This a source for American housing, population, and economic
Find national and world information on this site, including data from
census Bureau, CIA , and
http://www.bartleby.com. This is a great site for quotations, famous
books and reference materials with usage guides by Strunk, White, and
This is a great site for quotations by topic. It features
quotations from famous people and literature.
There are over 26,000 quotes from famous people and literature.
and historical trivia:
This an excellent site to discover what happened on the day in
history that you will be making your presentations.
How can you tie it to listening skills, the drop-out track, or
life commands? It could add
richness to your teaching presentation.
Here is a free resource for a video on why we need to
listen to Lost People.
to Use with Lab 1
Idea on Demonstrating Fogging
This is an idea for teaching Fogging from Joy Deyo, a Lab II graduate
and member of Willow Creek Church in Naperville, Ill. After teaching
and having the class practice “fogging.” Joy says to the class: “you
are the worst group I have ever worked with when it comes to learning
the skills.” After they gasp, she laughs and encourages them to fog her.
Warning Signs of
The language of the member changes from inclusive to exclusive. As
long as they are engaged in the church, they will use language to
indicate that they share ownership of the church and will maintain a
close relationship with the members by using words like: “we” and
“ours.” During the differentiating stage, their language will shift
to separation pronouns like “the” “yours,” or “mine,” They will talk
about “the” church instead of “our” church. They are looking for
Plus, a person will
disinherit the current state of the church’s direction. They will start
using nostalgic language – “remembering when” to identify with the past.
Individuals will start
separating from close relationships in the church if the other person
does not agree with him/her. You will hear statements like: “I don’t
understand how you could possibly like her.” I can’t believe you agree
with him. You will also see a look of contempt on their face, and
sometimes they will even roll their eyes if you say something with which
Continue to use
inclusive language with them, such as “our church,” and “we
have a great opportunity here to serve.” Focus on similarities.
Reaffirm what you have in common and how you share the same goal-
“reaching your community for Christ.”
Use listening skills of
“fogging, negative inquiry, and paraphrasing . Find solutions to solve
the problem that they may be having with the church together. The
solutions should be something that both the person and the church can be
in agreement. Apologize if the person has a legitimate complaint and
state how you will correct the problem. Use role renegotiation. (see
future article on role renegotiation)
Relationships break down.
Members limit their conversations. They will refuse to talk about
subjects that are painful or those they disagree with you, such as
your opinion of the new worship leader. When asked their opinions,
they will say, “skip it,” “it’s not worth discussing,” or “my
opinion doesn’t matter.” The member will begin to succinctly greet
you or others with formalities and politeness. They will move to
arms length to you. This is the “ennui” stage. “Ennui” is a state
of boredom and a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction and lacking
interest. The person just lives with the situation although he does
not like it. He simply exists. S/He attends church out of duty.
There will be little involvement.
Offer to listen. Visit
with the person and listen to their grievances. Clarify the person’s
expectations. State the church’s expectation of the person. Often they
are having personal problems and need someone to listen. Sometimes the
person will silently slip away from the church without talking. This is
mute termination. Use role renegotiation.
The member begins to ask
derogatory questions. S/he will use scriptures (often out of context )
to make their point. They tend to ask for prayers for the church or
the leadership of the church. Body language is rigid and negative.
Pupils tend to dilate when the controversial subject is addressed.
Use behavior description
to describe what you observed. Ask what did that mean. Listen and ask
good productive questions. Avoid making inferences about their
behavior as if that were their intentions. Then move to problem solving
and role renegotiation.
The member may begin with
expressions of concerns about the church using innuendos and gossip
about the leadership or members of the church. Some members
will threaten to quit. They will tend to blame certain leaders of
the church for what they perceive as problems of the church. They
will start to polarize people. You will often see looks of anger or
disgust on their face.
Follow the guidelines in
Matthew 18:15-17. First confront the member in a one-to-one
conversation. State from your point of view how your expectations of
how Christians should behave have been violated and you were
disappointed. Describe their behavior. Mention that you have come to
them out of love and that their behavior is not in accordance of
scripture. If they repent, accept their apology. Reaffirm your
relationship with them. . If the person has something against someone
else in the church, encourage them to go talk with them. You may offer
to go. Act only as a mediator of the process. Avoid
23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother has something against you. Matthew 5:23.
"If your brother sins
against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If
he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
But if he will not listen,
take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established
by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the
church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
“So watch yourselves. If
your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.”
I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously
about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers.
He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
III John 10
This is the drop out phase.
The member will usually first stop attending worship service, then he
will drop out of:
meetings and/or committee meetings
children from Sunday School and other church activities
quitting church to someone
giving to whatever he has pledge to give. (High control people will
often stop their weekly giving to the offering first if it was not a
Make an appointment and
visit the person. Listen and follow the steps of role renegotiation
3. Then Jesus told them this
parable: 4. "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them.
Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the
lost sheep until he finds it? 5. And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it
on his shoulders 6. and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors
together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7. I
tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven
over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who
do not need to repent. Luke 15:3-7
©Margaret Slusher 2008
Research Materials to Use in Marketing the Listening Labs
is some research information about the power of listening that you may
want to include when you promote Listening Skills. Listening is .
A cure for social isolation
Washington Post article (June 23, 2006) “Social Isolation Growing in
U.S.,” Shankar Vedantam reported that people are more isolated today
than they were two decades ago. “There seems to be a sharply growing
number of people who say they have no one in whom they can confide,
according to a comprehensive new evaluation of the decline of social
ties in the United States.
. . .
“Compared with 1985, nearly 50 percent more people in 2004 reported that
their spouse is the only person they can confide in. But if people face
trouble in that relationship, or if a spouse falls sick, that means
these people have no one to turn to for help, Smith-Lovin said.”
Helpful in Job Success
resources professional estimate that more than 80% of the people who
fail at their jobs do so for one reason – they don’t relate well to
Executives Rank Listening Skills as the Most Important, but most lacking
in Employees in “Listen Up!” Time June 28, 1999, p. 72 copyright
The January, 2005 issue of Fortune Magazine reported
businesses are beginning to use trained listeners to reduce
absenteeism and worker turnover, a problem which costs companies over
300 billion dollars each year in the US.
In a 2005 report released by Group Publishing, Inc. and Gallup
Poll, 98% of church members who indicated that they were "very
satisfied" or “somewhat satisfied" with their church described their
church as very friendly, maintaining good relationships. (Michael
Lindsay, Creating a Culture of Connectivity in Your Church,
Loveland, California: Group Publishing, Inc., 2005, p.8)
John Savage discovered that a church could reclaim up to 82% of
drop-outs using strategic listening skills.
Help for Trainers
“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative
expression and knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
Adults learn best when they contribute to a learning situation.
Adults learn best when they want to or need to learn
Adults learn best when they can put it to immediate use.
Adults learn best when they feel physically and psychologically
More Get Acquainted Ideas
Comic Strip Matching: Use comic strips to get acquainted by cutting
apart the panels of the strips and giving each individual a panel.
Ask participants to find others to match their strips.
Penny for your Thoughts: Give each participant 3 pennies. They are
to introduce themselves to the group by relating an important personal
or work-related event.
Story-telling Guessing Game: Ask participants to write on a slip of
paper a unique event that they have experienced. Some Examples are:
shook hands with the president, survived a plane crash, ran in the
Boston Marathon, etc. Collect the slips and read the statements.
Have everyone guess who it is. The author is then asked to stand and
share the rest of the story. You could use practical jokes played,
strangest teacher, least favorite physical education lesson,
proudest moment and worst cafeteria meal.
Story-telling Guessing Game Instructions
This is a Secret, so do not share or let anyone
see what you are writing. Please
write on the back of this
note card a unique event that you have experienced and
that others in the room would not know about you.
Some examples are: shook hands
with the president,
survived a plane crash, ran in the Boston Marathon,
made all A’s in school, rode on the back of an elephant,
Please sign your name at the bottom of the card and
turn it over. Please do not share
what you have written
with anyone else. We will use
them later. After you
have finish, turn your card over until the instructor
comes to collect them.
Pair participants and allow them to become acquainted: Have each
other make a sales pitch about their partner to others.
Name tents – Write their name and ask them to write what should
their name mean? What should people think about you when they
get to know you?
Ways to Choose Leaders
The person with . . . or
the person next to the person with . . .
oldest child still at home.
most pets living in the house (including fish).
most job seniority.
newest American car.
longest/shortest commute to work.
longest/ shortest married.
The longest name
Person who has traveled the longest distance to be here.
Person born the farthest away.
M. The person that has most recently read a book on the topic.
N. The owner of the most pets.
Place a Question Board on the Wall. Provide post-it notes for
participants. Have them to write questions that they would like
answered sometime during the conference.
"Passing the Buck” Attach a one-dollar bill to a sponge. The buck
changes hands whenever a volunteer is needed. Use the buck to choose
group leaders and recorder.
a cardboard flip-over to cut out the light of the projector as oppose
to the clicking on and off.
Focus is on you as the presenter – you are the message!
The Value of Listening
|1. Improvement in Job Performance
a. Listening is a critical component to emotional
According to Harvard
research, "IQ takes second position to
determining outstanding job performance
(Goleman, 1998, pg 5)
b. According to the US Department of Labor, at
work the average
*22% of their time reading and writing
*23% on speaking
*55% on listening
c. Sixty percent (60%) of business errors are
related to poor listening
d. Eighty percent (80%) of executives rated
listening as the most
important skill in the
workplace but the most lacking.
e. Research indicates that the average person
listens with only about
2. Reduction in Absenteeism
The January issue of Fortune Magazine reported
that businesses are
beginning to use Trained Listeners to
reduce absenteeism and
worker turnover, a problem which cost companies over
dollars each year in the US.
3. Increased Likelihood to Get Elected
In a survey of women, 73% indicated that they would
pick a politician
who listens over one who asks the right questions (Luntz,
2007, pg 44)
4. Increased Academic Aptitude
a. The most used language skills in a classroom is
listening. It is more
important to one's
academic success than reading or academic
aptitude. (Conwaty, 1982)
b. Only 2% of Americans have had formal listening
c. The International Listening Association found
preoccupied or forgetful 75% of the time
*Recall only 50% of what
was said immediately after hearing
*Remember only 20% of
what was said over a longer period
*In an educational
environment, listening is required 85% of time.
5. Enhance Medical Practices
a. "the effective practice of medicine requires
competence, that is,
the ability to
acknowledge, absorb, interpret, and act on the stories
and plights." (McDaniel,
December 11, 2007)
b. Physicians who listen are less likely to be
sued. Patients who sue
their doctors complain
that they would not listen and were rude.
Doctors tend to interrupt
their patients within 18 seconds of the
patient starting to
speak. Often patients have on the average four
questions they want to
ask their physicians but were allowed to
ask only 1-2 questions.
(Research was published in the April 2007 issue of
Medical Care, a journal of the
American Public Health
c. At the Indiana University School of Medicine,
a review of 36 studies
suggest that good
communication between doctor and patient
resulted in measurable improvements such as:
*Lower blood sugar in
people with diabetes
*Resolution of chronic
*Improved blood pressure
in people with hypertension
*Positive changes in